Dropping the Ball

Do you ever get to that point where you know that you have all of these great ideas and if you just had a little more time, you would have a chance to accomplish all of your goals; have time to balance your budget and figure out why you’re always broke, and then you could get a jump start on the kids’ curriculum and making sure they are laid out for the next two weeks, well, let’s not get crazy, but  a week would be good; and then someday you might have the energy to pull an all nighter and get laundry done, maybe catch up on a Netflix series you haven’t sat down to watch in months because the TV is hardly ever on and when it is, it is absolutely a babysitter and on some Disney movie, right now that looks like Zootopia, or even better, you could craft all night while doing laundry, but honestly how do you even think about an all nighter for laundry when you don’t even have the energy to do the dinner dishes, and your husband is exhausted from working, and has to leave at 3am so there’s no way you can ask him to help you with housework when you’ve been home all day, every day and it just never gets done, and you carry this in your brain for weeks; meanwhile, you’ve stopped taking your daily oils, you’ve stopped blogging because there is no time, and you’re a mess anyway, what could you possibly offer in a blog post, you’ve stopped worrying about that diet you’re supposed to be on, you stopped even trying to get the housework done, because honestly, what’s the point, and you just sort of give up until it all comes to a head one night when there are no sleeper jammies for your one year old and your husband just looks at you and says things have got to change?

Well, I got there.  I got there and I crashed.  And then the strangest thing happened.

At first, I was so hurt that he was vocalizing my inability to keep up with everything.  How dare he?  Does he even realize how hard this is?!  Then, when I took a step back, I could see that yes, he did realize, and he was supporting me the best way he knew how.  His suggestion was actually to put the kids in public school.  He was trying to take something off my overflowing plate, not point out my faults.  And while we have very strong reasons for not wanting our kids in public school, they just didn’t seem to add up when the kids’ schooling and the entire household was suffering because I was too over worked.  So, with a deep breath, I agreed to send the girls to school, and therefore take one little thing off my plate.  Then you know what happened?  RELIEF!  A huge weight was lifted instantly, and I felt… good!  Better than I had in weeks!  And do you know what that started?  I started looking for other things I could eliminate.

I reevaluated my business goals, I organized my time better, looked at where my spiritual life has taken a back seat to my so called priorities, and I started looking at the number of hours in a day that I didn’t need to be teaching and all the things I could do with that time!  So, while I was trying to get back on track, and getting my literal and spiritual home in order, I fell short again.  I still forgot to take care of my health.  I did not start my oils again, I did not eat healthy, and I still had not left any time for me.  And of course, having the kids in public school, bringing home all the little germs, I got sick.  Very sick, hopefully this is the worst for the year.  So, while I was posting and promoting for my friends and family to support their wellness, I was forgetting to take care of my own.  Now I am paying for it, diffusing Thieves and Raven essential oils like there’s no tomorrow.

I tell you all this, not for sympathy, but for support.  Perhaps you have gotten to that point, perhaps you do know what I am talking about.  Maybe you have neglected what you know in your heart is good for you because you have overloaded your plate, once again.  Well, it’s not too late to reevaluate.  Sometimes plans change, and that’s okay.  I am not a failure.  I am an honest human being that needed to face the reality of my own circumstances.  Does this mean that I will never homeschool again?  No, not at all.  Probably when the babies are a little older and not requiring so much of me, I will pick it back up.  I still have my same beliefs, but I have to be realistic right now.  I am actually all caught up on laundry, yeah; seriously, who knew that was even possible? I have time for my three and one year old daughters, and they are enjoying having mommy available.  My kids are LOVING school, it’s “so cool, Mom!” and I have a moment to blog, and tell you all about it.  So, if you are like me, and ‘at that point’, know that you don’t have to keep juggling.  You can actually drop the ball, and life goes on.  Things might even get a little easier and you can pick it back up again later.

Got to go, baby’s crying…